shout out

Where to begin?
As promised, a shout out to Jenn. we had a joyous frolic this spring break and are now dating. A lovely setup that relieves us from the treachery of lesbian cliques at our respective universities.

Also, my noteriety, what of it I have, is about to become much more fancifully embroidered. It seems that a certain taping of the Jerry Springer Show is airing on pay-per-view that involves a mostly-naked me doing jumping jacks and toe touches on stage with pal Dave, a stripper and a bunch of unattractive men. I hear also that the backstage chatter, much of which involved my fruitless search for my clothes, is included in the special.

I have mixed feelings about the incident. I signed a release in full sanity and sobreity, and fully knowing that I have no stopping point when it comes to unbridled public silliness of the quasi-sexual variety. I am excited, ya know, because I'm an exhibitionist of sorts. But a little bitty part of my psyche clings to the pop wisdom that appearing naked on television can damage one's career, etc. I guess I'll just see where shit settles, cause ain't nothing I can do about it now. No, I should be excited. Maybe I'll look hot, and if I don't, I'm bringing laughter to the world at nine bucks a pop.

Perhaps what vexes me most about the situation is that, because I didn't know my undergarments were to be filmed, I wore perhaps the cheapest, most unflattering underwear I own. I have a Victoria's Secret credit card that currently has a $380 balance and I wore Kmart panties I bought for my period (it happened that I, thankfully, was not menstruating that day). Muted olive green, cotton, elastic waistband, total ugliness.

Anyway, deep down I know I have ambitions in the exotic arts (stripping, peep shows, porn, the like) so I need to get used to the idea of people paying to see my scantily clad gyrations, perhaps in my absence. Casting Couch Teens

Oh, and I haven't seen this episode yet. If you do, let me know how it goes.
In other news, I finally bought a tanning package so I might enter the summer in a less-than-blinding whiteness. And I burned my ass so motherfucking bad. Really, my whole body, but the damage was concentrated on my ass, between my boobs and the back of my legs. This might have been manageable had the next day not been one of a job fair that required me to don a (scratchy, stiff, unbreathable) suit.

To top off my ridiculous existence, I was leaving work on Friday when, at the exact moment I stepped into the elevator, my keys fell off a lanyard I keep them on and shot directly down the elevator shaft. I don't know how far down they could've fallen, given that I was in the basement, but I didn't hear them hit the ground. Unless they landed in a soft pile of rat feces. Anyway, I got them back